Episode 5 – Game on Moles

We have ANOTHER cold opening – no guess the lucky sister wife who gets to leave the compound and breathe outside oxygen. The Honey Badger informs us that he has chosen to go on a single date with Sophie “I like water sports’. And guess what it appears that they are going to do water sports!

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I heart water sports. I mean I heart drinking near water…is that a sport?

Sophie takes time to apply her blistex and we wonder if we’ve time warped back to year nine where this and lip smackers were ‘fetch’. Is she concerned the water sports will affect her lips or is this hook up preparation?

Turns out much like Shannon, Nick is going to test Sophie’s love by asking her to risk physical harm. There seems to be a cross over between extreme sports this season. BASE jumping next week Nick? Luckily Sophie is a ‘cool chick’ and loves the danger earning Nick’s #respect.

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Next week’s single Date hey Honey Badger?

Nick is concerned that Sophie was uncomfortable when made to stare at him while doing yoga and being watched by a gaggle of heckling witches whilst in a bikini being photographed. Sophie clearly has Stockholm syndrome because she apologises for feeling uncomfortable and Nick is relieved. Sophie gets a kiss and a rose for a good behaviour.

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Sophie is so sorry

Group Date time. Again cold but thank the lord Osher is not completely redundant. He’s here to explain the complex date. Nick’s family are here to judge meet the sister wives ladies and choose one lucky lady to come back to the Bachelor Pad. Sounds like we’ve switched to “Marry My Boy”.

But wait – suddenly we’re being given clues that Cassie’s “I saw him once twice nineteen times at the gym” story may be the tip of the ice berg. She’s met his brother. She travelled with him to the Gold Coast. She chewed the fat and surfed (less surprising). Cass isn’t a Stage 5 clinger. She’s an ex. An ex in a house of girls stabbing each other with cheap stilettos to creep on her man and try to give him over the pants hand jobs.

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Given the situation, Cass’ behaviour seems reasonable.

Given this new information, Cass seems very reasonable and understated.

Back to the interrogation. Sister Bernadette wants the dirt. Dad wants to speak in Riddles. Jacob wants to get out of the most awkward conversation of his life with Cass. Girls start dobbing on each other – who “deserves” to be here, who’s here for Insta-Fame (everyone). Cat is upset people think she’s here for her jewellery line. She’s like totally not everyone. Romy decides to dish the dirt on Cass – she knew him before she came in and she luvs him and then some. Unfortunately for Romy, Blair for reasons only known to Blair (and the producers) is getting “changed” right where Romy is dishing the dirt.

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Blair doesn’t know how she finds herself in these situations

Brooke wins the date. Nick likes Brooke. Bernadette likes Brooke. Brooke is definitely the current golden girl and it’s like taking a bullet for Brittany.

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Brittany is fine with Brooke being chosen. Stop asking.

Confrontation time. Romy is upset Blair heard her say mean things about people in the house. How could you Blair? According to fellow mean girl Alisha, Romy “calls a spade a spade” so Blair better watch out which seems like a misinterpretation of the phrase. Cat cackles as Romy tears shreds off Blair and some how Cass ends up smoothing it over and saying “we should all be nice” – No Cass. No.

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Cass – That shit ain’t going to work with Romy and Cat.

Cocktail Party time. We are reintroduced to people I have forgotten. Hi Tenille – were you here last week? Cass needs to talk to Nick and I’m getting a sense of de ja vu.  Finally Cass gets her moment and asks Nick for answers – why was I in the bottom 2? Why are you smashing my heart every week? Why Nick Why? Nick doesn’t have many good answers but he does say its about levels and he wants to see where it goes. This seems to be good enough for Cass.

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Nick’s enthusiasm for Cass excites her.

Rose ceremony time. Cat is annoyed. Romy is not punished for being the worst witch. Many unknowns get Roses. Nick decides to take a week’s holiday from torturing Cass. Cat is in bottom two. She can barely utter thank you to Nick as she snatches the final rose. Blair is sent packing.

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Cat: Thanks for my rose Babe

Until next time….

The Volte Squad x

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