Ep 3 – The awkward Ep…

Ep starts – Vanessa Sunshine (VS) throws some general shade and looks disinterested. Osh arrives – and shock horror he has a date card. Our paths have crossed before is the clue.. Cass thinks its her but…. awkward… its not – it’s Brittany bitch.

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It’s a boat date. Brit makes a rookie error – heels on a boat. Poor life choice.

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They get off the boat and the shoes are off already. Good call – you get a VMA. Now apparently its off to knock a few balls in the hole on the golf course. Apparently its foot golf. This isn’t a thing. This is a low budget ep… they couldn’t even afford the country club fees – Osh over committed on the helicopter last ep. I feel like this could be cool but it just isn’t. It is weird and cheap.

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I’m bored of this part of the date…

Sex couch time. She has brought written questions. I wasn’t keen but this is actually quite cute. Much chat nothing exciting… she has found herself on her 3 year Euro topdeck tour and is happy and content and therefore ready for a man to complete her.

Now there is pool times. Brit comes out in a something she prepared earlier – apparently it is a toga date.

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Why is she wearing earrings in the pool? Weird. And risky move Brit – just ask Kimmy K.

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AND IT’S THE FIRST REAL KISS OF THE SEASON. Brit def a contender.

Back at girl prison everyone is forced by the producers to stay up and chat about how late it was. Where is Keira chanting bed bed bed when you need her.

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Crazy eyes Cass is ‘devastated’ that someone else has kissed Nick. YOU ARE ON THE BACHELOR HONEY.

Group date time. Cass says other crazy GF style comments. Someone needs to make sure she stops drinking before she see’s Nick – she gets butterflies when standing close to him… It is some weird game with straws and a ball. Def blew the budget last ep.

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So weird and boring – now everyone who lost gets to spectate and drink. What a win.

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The remaining contenders have to walk across a log with Nick. Cass is struggling watching him with other girls. Again… reminder… this is the Bachelor. Cass literally stares into his eyes across the log and giggles.. is devo when eliminated for being slow.

Now we are down to 4… VS, Cat (I’m a fashion designer), Alex & Blair. Zero idea on the last two.

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They answer questions about Nick. This means its totally random because NONE OF YOU KNOW HIM. Poor Cass she actually might have won this one. VS takes the win. Isn’t looking happy – zero smiles. Nick thinks she might be nervous… soz bro she just over committed on the botox pre show.

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Awkward couch time. VS basically doesn’t talk. It is uncomfortable. I wish we could walk away. Poor Nick is really trying but she is giving him nothing. PLEASE SEND HER HOME.

HAHAHAHA NO ROSE. The best. I love him more. She should go but there are too many randoms who haven’t had any screen time so the producer obviously wins a pick for VS this ep.

Brooke is about to nail the use of the key to Bach Pad. Hyundai gets a strong run – yes dudes we know you provided the cars. She has gone in silk pyjamas. Its cute.  Breakfast in bed. Cute kids. Cute.

Now they play footy… its pretty funny. She takes him down. Some weird fake CPR which turns into a kiss.

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Killing it. Yay Brooke – the winner.

Cocktail party time – woo hoo. Brooke and Bachie walk in. Case’s resting heart rate is 375. She isn’t coping with this Mormon multiple wives thing. Again dude – you signed up for this. She cries. She actually cries. STOP IT.

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If you felt this strongly about Nick why did you apply for the Bachelor to meet someone else?????? Mean girls and VS have a showdown about VS not being physically attracted to Nick. EH whatevs – you are all here for insta fame so stop making it a thing mean girls. The big reveal of the cocktail party – Russian Dasha has a kid. Cute.

Cass is hovering with her diary. Pls put it away. It is an error. Don’t do it. Someone save her from herself. No one does. Nick knows this shit is getting weird. He is awkward already… and then she reads it. She is doing it. It is like a freestyle poem. Pls stop.

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Hate hate hate. ‘Love at first sight could be true’… No NO NO. It was not love at first site. You both applied for a dating show AFTER MEETING. It is all so awkward I am dying. As is Bachie.

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Pls let me leave…

OOO other drama. Too much passion pop too early producers. Shit is going down with the mean girls trio and Shannon and Blair. So much angst and anger. Next level. Shannon loses her shit.

Rose ceremony… 3 peeps leaving. VS gets an early call up. Cass is now worried she scared him off – probably honey. Probably. BUT she gets a rose. Down to last rose – its dance teacher Alex, crazy energy healer, pool jumper and total random. Alex gets rose – good call Bachie.

Bye peeps…HANG ON NO – crazy energy healer wants private chat before leaving… totes going to chuck some shade on her way out. Cat and Romy get thrown under the bus. Fave line – ‘Cat’s been plugging her jewellery’. I die. Hilarious and kind of well done energy healer. Bachie isn’t keen and shuts the door on her mid sentence….

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Til tomorrow bitches.

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