Family time gets weird…

Sah much drama promised. Can not wait kids. Here we go. Channel 10 here we go. Emotional looking out to the bush. Matty you so deep dude. So deep. Much thought.


Tara is taking Matty on a date. They are off to movie world – alone. Ok Tara. Slow clap. Massive props. I want to go to a theme park alone. Surely it must have been hard to get this Channel 10? Was this filmed in a scheduled shutdown? Pretty sure you got a discount for a 1 hour pass and got one ride in.


Tell the truth – you got a discount voucher Osh

Look we are pretty sure Tara or Flo are next on the chopping block but maybe she can change my mind #Eliseround2.

Now we have the fun montage. It does look epic. They are off to a BBQ. Troy is clearly the tough cookie. Here we go team. They walk in…. and there are bloody adorable kids. Apparently they are on the same page when it comes to kids. Dude there are only two pages.

Yes Matty. There are only two pages in the kids book – Yes or No

They meet the fam. Brother Troy is not impressed. He looks like he is ready to go. And punch Matty. This is super awkward. There isn’t really a lot to say here other than it is really really awkward. Brother Troy says things like ‘you may as well just tell us now’… um the producers need to jump in here.


Don’t like you bro. Don’t like you. 

Run Matty run… time to leave buddy. Matty looks a little shellshocked. We feel you buddy this is way intense.

There is some bullshit lunch. Brother Todd – hang on I thought we were talking about Troy? I think there are two brothers. They keep saying they don’t want Tara to be heartbroken… Um maybe she shouldn’t have applied if you were all this worried it was 22:1 that she would be!


Bad odds in Bachie team. 


Um why is there a fucking windmill. This is bizarre. We know you didn’t splurge on a trip to the Netherlands? We are in fake Netherlands and it is weird. There is a bike and a bridge. Sigh. Seriously WTF. Florence seems ok with it. I think she has been brainwashed. They rise for about 50m round a muddy puddle… I feel Osh could have released some more cash for Flo.

Channel 10 some advice…

Flo’s family can’t be here apparently. Matty seems v down on this. Bad move Flo’s fam. He is going to meet some bullshit friends. Hmm whatevs. This seems like a girls night and Matty is the 4th wheel. The friends are not v interested and Flo is not v interested. She wants Matty to stop holding her hand… and says so. Its over. We no longer need to waste time I think Flo going home.

There is a short awkward convo with Marlee (who the fuck are you?)… where she mentions fame as a motivation. Shush now – no one does this for fame and followers (Cough #Blake Cough).

I’m crying inside but it is over Flo.

I’m not coping Flo. 

Elise time – YAS the fave.

Lots of happy montage before they meet. Good signs kids. Hang on why the hell are we in South Australia? V confused. They put WA on her bio line? No one explains. I miss Osh. A lot. Osh where are you.

I miss these cheekbones

Dinner with the fam. They seem lovely. Of course they are. Maree is off in the kitchen so Matty is a good boy and goes to help. Maree calls him quick on taking a thousand years to take Elise on a date. Crickets… But Matty comes through and really nails it.

The goodbye… it is very cute. Elise can do no wrong.


Princess Kate time – aka Laura

Walking on a slightly shitty beach with her 3 legged dog buster. No really she is. It is all very casual and chill. She is lovely (sigh). They live in the same place. Her dog likes him… nooooooo we are team Elise 😦

Laura wants to do something simple. Nice sell Loz but we all know they gave you $50 and a Coles voucher for this date. Basically its the couch of intensity in Sydney – eyeroll. We have done this peeps.

New trick time channel 10…

Off to meet the fam. Including grandparents – uber intense Princess Kate although we are happy we get to meet the queen. Dinner seems lovely, the family is lovely. Sister

She is giving him death stares. He says he doesn’t know if he is going to pick her… and he gets daggers.

The eyes Matty – don’t look in the eyes. 

Laura plays the game and tries to say I love you without actually saying I love you. Matty is a bit pissed she isn’t saying she is 100% certain. Bit rough mate. You said 30 seconds ago you weren’t certain.

Rose ceremony time!

Flo goes home. It is sad.

Bye Flo 😦


Laura or Elise (sorry Tara – we love you) #teamelise

The Volte Squad x

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