Bye Felicia… but we are sad

So tonight it is either Cobie or Elora… Rerun of the ‘non-kiss incident’ from last week. I think this might be the beginning of the end for Elora…


Group date time… medieval mansion… please not again. We don’t need another discount costume fete. Osh is there – breathe a sigh of relief – but has he been crafting?

Nope we are in the clear – this is some sort of bullshit reflective ranking game. Yawn. There is so much flashback Friday to the last cocktail party that I think the music is playing… bye bye elora. But lets wait and see…

I’m calling it… and I am right

This game is a joke. They have to rank how funny they are or some other bullshit. Where is the money Channel 10. You better be saving the cash for the finale. Or for Sophie Monk (level of excitement is 1000).


Elora is not happy Jan – where is happy Tahiti Elora? Shit got real. Tara is a winner “Just because you burn sage around the house doesn’t make you down to earth”. There is a lot of awkwardness when Elora #triedtokissmattyatcocktailparty puts herself down as the most considerate. Cough (awkward).


Now we move to the “deal breaker game”.

Essentially do they match – shocking. Much dramatic music – they have had to bump up the iTunes budget for this ep. It’s down to Elora and Elise. Now they have to pretty much write a love note to Matty. Eyeroll. Great TV Channel 10. Watching love notes be written. Seriously…


Then Elise and Elora have to read their notes outloud. At some sort of weird altar. Awkwardly the evictee bachie scouts watch from purgatory on a TV. Understandably Elise kills it but then Elora is like next level full on.


Not an ok level of sharing Elora. Not ok.

Please please please pick Elise Matty. PLEASE.


YES. So great. I am so excited. Even better Matty J says that Elise and him are on the same page.


Couch of intensity times. Elise admits being scared which is a bit cute. You can do no wrong in my books Elise. Killing it. Weirdly James Blunt then performs. Something is a little too intimate about this. They dance. It’s cute. (James Blunt is still a bit gross.)

This is the ultimate comeback. Like Matty my Elise love conversion has been a slow burn and crept up on me but it’s def love. Surprise win?

Come from behind victory!


Single date time

Cobie gets the trophy. We have a flashback to their boring horsey single Date 1. A lot of voiceover and staring at the sky while discussing hometowns. Cobie I am sorry babes. You aren’t going.

We are sorry Cobie. We really are 😦

She gets an awkward pink helmet. Oh god it’s an adventure playground. I am honestly not sure if this is worse or the horses. She is claiming fear of heights. I feel this is not a thing. This is actually so boring. I can’t deal. Matty says its kind of like hanging out with a good friend. I’m sorry Cobes it’s the friendzone for you.

It is the break up date…

Boring rope course is over and there is no couch… they just sit on a sheet on part of said rope course and have a beer. We know this isn’t going anywhere good. Cobie opens up – I can’t watch – its awkward as she says all the right stuff… if she was Elise or Laura. But she isn’t.

It is just cringe. I think he is being nice but breaking up with her. He talks about the ingredients and how great it was but that the spark isn’t there. Oh Matty we feel for you. We know how hard this is. Cobie is gone baby. Boom. No rose ceremony just goodbye. It is actually just really sad. My heart of ice actually just thawed and broke into 1000 pieces because Cobie is every nice girl at high school.

Cobie is our Dawson 😦

Rose Ceremony Time

Soz team no cocktail party – the budget is totally blown. Osh can’t even buy the passion pop for the punch. We’ve been faking that there are cocktails for weeks now but no need to worry tonight Channel 10. Elora is going so save your pennies for when we need to create manufactured drama.

Much deliberation. Unclear why…it is clearly Elora and it is clearly going to cause a shitstorm. It is down to Flo and Elora. Bye Elora. Normally this is the quick bit but I think this won’t be as easy. It is actually ok but I end up being a little scared of her. She goes full girl gang – somehow the girl scout harem has become feminist.


Tomorrow team.. shit gets real… can’t wait.

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